Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Breaking Up with Your Fruit Man is Hard to Do

It all started with a fruit man on 28th Street and Fifth Ave. I used to swing by his fruit cart every morning on my way to work. Things were good for years. They were real good. But all of sudden that changed. He started selling me fruit with bruises, trying to convince me to buy more apple than I wanted. I felt cheated. I knew it would never work. I needed to start seeing other fruit men. The seed was planted and there was no turning back.

This was not going to be easy. I still had to pass this ex fruit man every day on my commute to work. I got a pit in my stomach every time i walked by him. ESPECIALLY since I was holding an incriminating black plastic bag filled with the ripe fruits of another man.  I had heart palpitations. What would happen if our eyes locked? Would it drive him bananas to see me?

In time, I started seeing a fruit man on 23rd and Broadway. Things were amazing. He understood me like no other fruit man ever did. He would recommend new fruits he thought I would like. "Don't buy those peaches, they're not sweet enough for you". I was the apple of his eye. Unfortunately my relationship with him was doomed from the start. Soon after I started seeing him, I moved to a far away neighborhood (the Upper East Side), and he was no longer on my way to work.

It has been years since these fruitful relationships, and although there have been other fruit men since, none could ever compare. I mostly buy my fruit from the supermarket now. It's slightly more expensive, but much less complicated. And you can't put a price or fruit sticker on that peace of mind!


  1. That's too bad :( You guys really seemed like a great pear.

  2. That other fruit guy turned out to be a real lemon.

  3. well orange you two clever? ;) HAHA you both gave me a good laugh!! FRUIT PUNS ARE THE BEST!! AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!!! I'm so lucky I am surrounded by such grape people in my life!