Wednesday, August 31, 2011

One of the Most Heavenly Foods In New York

lobster pic via jasonlam
Mmmmm! If you have never tried the lobstery goodness that is Luke's Lobster, you need to stop what you're doing, and GO NOW!!! SERIOUSLY NOW!! There is nothing that could be more urgent (Well, unless you are waiting to get a table at Frankie's. That is also an incredibly important mission).

It is impossible for me to think of the words "Luke's Lobster" without salivating. I'm talking huge chunks of juicy lobster fresh from Maine, smothered with the perfect amount of glistening butter and a bit of mayo, on a perfectly toasted bun. MMMMMMM!! It will make you happy. SOOO HAPPPY!! You will never want to eat anything else again, because it couldn't possibly be as good. GO NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE (I have no idea what that means, but just GO! Why are you still reading this? GO!)!!

Lucky for you, Luke's has shops in the E. Village, UES, UWS, Financial District (and even D.C.!). You can also follow their food truck on Twitter (@LukesLobsterNY) to find out where it's parked each day.

By the way, I was double checking whether the word "Heaven" is capitalized (I still don't know the answer! Does anyone know?), and I stumbled upon this hilarious response which mistakenly thought the question had to do with capitalism (not capitalization) in Heaven. Gosh, there are some characters out there!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


Last week I made an important discovery that would change my life forever: Contrary to what I had believed for three years, Colbie Callait was NOT wearing a Blossom hat on the cover of her album Coco (I blame this huge misunderstanding on the small size of the album cover displayed on my i-phone, as well as only looking at it in my peripheral vision!)

That's right, for three years I was a devoted fan, despite what I thought at the time to be an extremely poor fashion decision. I had no choice, she had the voice of a sweet sweet angel. Her songs were catchy and delightful! But it was impossible not to judge her. WHY was she wearing a Blossom hat? The Blossom hat trend had come and gone more than a decade earlier. Did her stylist not have access to the internet? I didn't understand it, but I also knew it wasn't a reason to abstain from her music.

I was finally at peace when I realized it was a blanket, not a Blossom hat, she had on her head (which is also slightly strange, but a LOT less cringe-worthy). I leave you with this poignant piece on a fashion icon that did NOT influence Colbie Callait's modern style.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Introducing Supergreat Dealz-the Opportunity of a Lifetime!

Folks, the moment you have been waiting for is finally here. Yes, that's right! The SuperGreat has hopped on the deals website bandwagon. Sign up, and you'll be stalked daily! Act now, and you can buy all sorts of crap you would never want at prices much higher than you would ever expect to pay! In addition, we will offer you deals at restaurants you wouldn't eat at even if they were the only restaurants open during Hurricane Irene! And for DOUBLE THE PRICE!! We will bombard you with special offers for crappy vacations no one else wants to go on!! Isn't this exciting news? If you'd like to sign up (and who WOULDN'T????)  send your email address to DON'T WAIT, or you might miss out on the deal of a lifetime!!

Photos via Wat Peace and Debs

Friday, August 26, 2011

Fifth Grade Journal Friday-Modest Sam

Please don't judge me for what I'm about to post. This was a note I wrote to myself on a Garfield post-it before I started my official journal. If it means anything at all, I think I really was embarrassed (I finally learned how to spell the word "embarrassed"! big improvement from 1991, eh?) about having to accept that award, and not just trying to brag to myself and future generations and blog readers about how awesome I am!:

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Bring on the Rain!!

The following words usually make me sad: thunder, rain, lluvia (rain in spanish), lightening, mist, ominous skies, drizzling, storm. But not when it comes to SHAKE SHACK!!! If juicy, perfectly seasoned burgers with delicious fluffy potato buns are involved, rain is my new best friend! As soon as that first droplet hits the ground, I know I can easily get my Shack burger, and without the ridiculously long wait (can be more than an hour on a beautiful sunny day!!). Not that I wouldn't wait hours for that scrumptious piece of heaven....

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Worst Store Name Ever

Seriously? They couldn't think of a better name than "Dodo"???? It's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, don't you think? And I'm pretty sure there isn't a woman out there that wants to be seen buying her fashion accessories at a store named "Dodo". TRY AGAIN!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

No Photoshop Was Used In This Movie Poster-None At All

I was recently browsing through Netflix when I stumbled upon this extremely emotional movie poster. I couldn't believe what a tender moment had been captured in this completely real photograph. So much love. So much emotion. So much togetherness. Together in one place, one moment in time...and a photographer miraculously captured that special moment.*

*LIES!! ALL LIES!!! There's no way in heck these people have ever even met each other and a shit-ton of photoshop must have been used to create this picture!!

(Speaking of Netflix. Are you still outraged about Netflix raising its prices?? If so, watch this video. There's something you can do about it!)

Monday, August 22, 2011

Superimpose Me-I Wish I Had Cindy Crawford's Mole

A few weeks ago, I received a lovely email from a woman named Pallas who desperately wished she could have a beauty mark like Cindy Crawford. It sounded like such an amazing cause, I knew I couldn't turn her down. Pallas, you look ravishing with your new mole! 

And guess what? Because of her radical transformation, Pallas was offered a lucrative deal to model in tv and print ads promoting a high end furniture line. It is the endorsement deal of a lifetime! And a first in Superimpose Me history (Although I'm actually shocked Bralexis wasn't offered some sort of modeling gig. They don't know what they're missing out on!). Check out the new and improved Pallas:

If you'd like Superimpose Me to bring one of your dreams to life, send your request and a clear pic to I will try my best to make it happen!

Check out other Superimpose Me success stories here!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Fifth Grade Journal Friday-Names Have Been Changed To Protect the Bitchy

Woah, Sam! What's with the harsh language? "Lila" couldn't have possibly been THAT bad, you guys were only 11! And "Mark", I couldn't agree with you more. My personality is pretty radiant, isn't it? If I remember correctly, I didn't win "Best Personality" :( I bet it was that bitch "Lila" who stole it from me! What a little shit! What did she ever say or do to prove that her personality was even HALF what mine was?? Thank god I'm not still bitter about this...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Achieving Your Goal of Reaching the Top-One Step at a Time

You know when an escalator's not working and people all of a sudden freeze and don't know how to handle it? THEY'RE JUST STAIRS, PEOPLE!!! You know what to do! Keep this party moving along please! You're just going to have to draw upon your past experience with stairs to help you achieve your goal. Left foot-LIFT! Right foot-LIFT! And repeat until you reach the top. YOU CAN DO IT!!! DON'T GIVE UP!!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

That Medicine's Gonna Do WHAAAAAT To Me?

Whenever I read the list of possible side effects caused by even the simplest medicine, I am horrified!!

It usually goes something like this, with a few minor variations:
Caution: this medicine might cause any or all of the following side effects: Growth of an extra eye, double vision (because of the extra eye), quadruple vision if you're looking at twins, the inability to stop listening to Justin Bieber, uncontrollable diarrhea, one or both of your arms might fall off, a dramatic decrease in your Klout score, unusual number of hiccup burbs, decreased tolerance for slow-walkers and those talking loudly on their cellphones on the bus, persistent dreams of all your teeth falling out, increased probability that all your teeth might actually fall out, severe farmer tan, your lips might become swollen or fall off, your whole face might fall off.

Thanks, Doc! I'll be sure to take two and call you in the morning!!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

A Sincere Letter to New Kids On the Block

Remember New Kids on the Block's "Hanging Tough"? To refresh your memory, watch this:

Listening to this song recently inspired me to write this letter to the members of NKOTB:

Dear Donnie, Joey, Jonathan, Jordan, Danny,

I just listened to your song "Hanging Tough", and all I have to say is, you guys are SCARRRRRRY!! I mean, you've got me shaking in my boots. Here's what I found most terrifying about your song:

whistle noises:
Always intimidating!!
the use of electronic keyboard: So scary! You're a menace to society!
"We're rough!": When you guys said that, I knew you meant it!!
the clapping: Trust me, I know who's boss!
synchronized dancing and arm swaying: That's when I knew you meant business! You guys really are TOUGH!

Seriously, if I did anything to offend you, please forgive me. I definitely do NOT want to get on your bad side! You guys are tough and I know it!!

Sincerely Your Biggest Fan,

Monday, August 15, 2011

How To Get Your Ramen at Ippudo Without Waiting

What I'm about to tell you could change your life forever... You know the NY ramen restaurant Ippudo? The one that ALWAYS has a huge wait to get a table? Well, I'm going to tell you how to stroll on in there and sit right down to eat. I know what you're probably thinking: "But Sam, if you tell millions of us your secret, won't that ruin your trick? You are such an amazing altruistic person. I'm so lucky to know about your blog. May wonderful things happen to you in return for your generosity. An angel you are, Sam! Sent directly from up above! You must have wings, Sam. Straight from heaven, Sam!". And you know what? That's probably all true. Except the wings part, ewww, gross! But back to my trick....If I can save you the wait at Ippudo, it is well worth it! That's just the kind of person I am. You can thank me later (by sending me a check, or finding me a husband, or baking me cookies etc).

So here's the secret: GO EARLY! I'm talking early bird special early! If you get to Ippudo by 5:30pm on a weeknight (doesn't work on the weekends), you will most likely be seated immediately. Fine, maybe no one really wants to eat that early in the evening, but trust me once you have that scrumptious bowl of heaven sitting in front of you, you'll feel hunger like you've never known! I recommend the Akamaru Modern ramen (make sure you order with a soft boiled egg. It's $2 extra, but it might be the best $2 you ever spend in your life!), it is dreamy! 

You're welcome. You owe me one!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Fifth Grade Journal Friday

This entry is such a strange mash-up of my 11 year old self! Let's start with the fact that I addressed my journal as "dude". So weird! And ooooh, don't keep me in suspense: I just HAVE to know how temple went! Was it SO MUCH FUN?? I bet you had the time of your life! Can't wait to hear all the details!! Also love the ice cream drawing, math complaint and cryptic "gotto go my mom is here" message...You're a total weirdo, dude!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

An Amazing Portrait of an Even More Amazing Person

Last weekend, I did something I have never done in all of my life: I got my portrait drawn in Central Park!! I had just been innocently walking along, minding my own business, when I crossed paths with an artist named Zhihou.

Zhihou conentrates while my friend Michelle (to the left) and random people observe
Having my portrait sketched by Zhihou was JUST like that scene in "Titanic" when Jack sketches Rose, but with a few minor differences (less nudity, slightly less expensive jewelry etc). The whole experience was a hoot! Passersby stared as Zhihou furiously scribbled away at what I expected was going to be an amazing portrait of my timeless beauty. The final product was slightly different than I had anticipated...Let's just say I won't necessarily be using this image for my next online dating profile pic!

The weirdest thing happened later than night. I went to see the movie "Friends with Benefits" (which I LOVED by the way!), and in the movie, the main characters had their portraits done in Central Park. What are the odds? Weirdest coincidence ever!! I guess great minds think alike.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Superimpose Me-What Would Our Baby Look Like?

We all wonder what our babies might look like, right? Thankfully Superimpose Me makes it possible to have an exciting sneak preview. My friends Alexis and Brian agreed to be my first, candidates. Meet Alexis and Brian:

With a little help from Photoshop, Superimpose me imagines what Brian and Alexis's first child might look like:

baby photo by efleming
Oh my god, Bralexis is sooo cute, right??? This baby is surely going to rake in the modeling dollars! Here are also some pics of what the baby might be like when it grows up:

Bralexis loves the finer things.
Bralexis has a thing for Spandex, it turns out.
Bralexis is just so Brooklyn.
Are any of your loved ones having a baby soon? Wouldn't this make such a thoughtful (and unexpected) baby shower gift? Keep it in mind! Also, If you'd like Superimpose Me to bring one of your dreams to life, send your request and a clear pic to I will try my best to make it happen!

Check out other Superimpose Me success stories here!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dateline Warning-URGENT!

I'm not kidding. Watching all this Dateline has pretty much made think everyone's going to kill me.* Like a few weeks ago, I went for an hour long massage, and found it difficult to enjoy because I pretty much thought she was going to strangle me the whole time. Time to start watching less Dateline, I think!!

*Don't worry, Mom, I'm kind of kidding about all this!!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Are You Eligible for Ugly Assistance? Find Out NOW!

Last week, an article in New York Magazine really caught my attention. According to economist Daniel S. Hamermesh, attractive people make substantially more money than their less good looking peers (even in professions where looks are not relevant). Over the course of one's life, this could add up to as much as $230k more! He believes there will one day be some sort legal protection for those not blessed with pretty genes. HUH??? How on earth would one apply for THAT??? I'm pretty sure this is what the form would look like, see if you would qualify:

If you answered mostly a's, congratulations! You're ugly and therefore eligible to receive some help!!! Act now and you will be rewarded for being blessed with genes as yucky as yours are!!!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Fifth Grade Journal Friday-An Emotional Love Letter

Is this not the most heartfelt emotional love note you've ever seen? Travis gave me this card with roses after only a few weeks of dating (I think they were for Passover (?????) but don't quote me on that). Uh, best boyfriend ever!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Let's Face It, Facebook Isn't Perfect-Vol. 2

Oh Facebook! Because of you, I could never run out of things to make fun of. Here's volume 2!

photos of people from zugaldia, Martina Rathgens & makelessnoise

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Is the World Wide Web Down? Why No Emails?

Has this ever happened to you? For some strange reason you haven't gotten any emails for hours so you think "my email MUST just not be working". So you send yourself a test email and of course it comes through and then you feel like an even bigger loser because the only email you've gotten in the past few hours is from yourself...

Monday, August 1, 2011

Superimpose Me-I Want to Be a Vita Coco Model, Just Like Rihanna

Every time I walk by a Vita Coco ad with Rihanna, I think to myself: I could do that!! I love beaches, I love refreshing drinks. Why can't that be ME in that ad? In fact, I'm positive the rates that I would charge for my services would be much more economical to Vita Coco.

I've enlisted the help of Superimpose Me to show Vita Coco what an amazing job I would do in their next ad campaign. They would have to be NUTS not to hire me! See for yourself, I'm a natural, right??

Adapted from pic by Krystn Palmer Photography
You too can be whatever you want to be! If you'd like Superimpose Me to bring one of your dreams to life, send your request and a clear pic to I will try my best to make it happen!

Check out other Superimpose Me success stories here!