Thursday, April 14, 2011

And the "I Can't Believe He's Still Single Award" Goes To...


Last week I received an email from someone on an online dating website, and I'll admit I was intrigued. But not in an "I'd Sure Like to Know More About This Young Fella" type way. More in a "Should I Change My Identity and Move to Another State Because He Knows What I Look Like" kind of way. Seriously, I could not BELIEVE the length and degree of creepiness of his email! More about the email:

number of paragraphs: 44

number of lol's: 10

number of times lol's were used in laughter inducing moments: 0

number of times word "chemistry" is used: 7 

number of times word "scintillating" is used: 2

number of times "millions of sparkling shining stars" is used:

most memorable lines:
-"I like a woman who knows what she wants in a man just like a hungry lion who has an avarice appetite without food for a month. lol"

-"Yes, I’m in a great mood since I just got back from an amazing trip to Las Vegas last week...Yes, I went on that fun Gondola ride at the Venetian and you see if you were with me, you could of sang on that Gondola and rock the boat with me! lol" 

-"Philly is one of my favorite destination cities close to home besides my annual trips to Paris, Venice, Maui and Los Cabos, Guanacaste Costa Rica." 

-"I build whole cities and resorts and you can dance and sing for me for me & create a great candle lit environment for a sensual and romantic dining experience. OK, we can be passionate after dinner with Buddha Bar music. You see, we are creative in our own way don't you think?"  

-"I know, you must be saying WOW right from my confidence level but, I can assure you that it’s for REAL and I could be addictive once you get to know me? lol"

-"I hope you don’t come back writing one Paragraph after my lengthy letter to you? lol"

-"If you read this far you practically pick up the phone and call me already and we would be having a romantic candle lit dinner together! lol" 

Can you believe this guy is still on the market!? Don't be jealous, people. One day, you too can find your Prince Charming! He could be just one click away.... I think my friend Alexis said it best when she said "What this guy needs is an editor, not a girlfriend"!

3 comments:

  1. Lozmeister GeneralApril 14, 2011 at 6:19 AM

    Hahahahahahaha!!

    Best post by far, it was absolutely scintillating - lol

    Are you sure this guy isn't Dimitri the stud (if you don't know who Im talking about google Dimitri the stud) - lol

    Is this why you are now moderating your comments Sam? - lol

    By the way, in all seriousness, your blog is getting better and better. And you thought I was just saying that I would read and post comments - to use an analogy i just happened to come up with - your blog is like millions of sparkling shining stars.

    Luv from the Loz Meister

    (from the great city of Melbourne) xoxo

    PS Like bubble font, lol's make everything better - lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is earily familiar. I think I may have gotten the same/a very very similar email during my 7 weeks on match. I quit soon thereafter.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lozmeister: I don't even know where to begin! How I've missed your hilarious comments! lol. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE start a blog! Never heard of Dimitri, but I checked out his site, and it's definitely possible this is the same guy who wrote me. lol. Thanks for the hot tip! and thanks for the kind words about the blog! Nobody's ever compared it to a million sparkling shining stars before, so nice! lol. How on earth did you come up this expression, and on the spot too? lol. genius! and you are right, lol's do make everything better! lol.
    BETH: on the one hand, i hope to GOD this guy does not write a personalized 44 paragraph email to each girl he writes, but on the other hand I am a little devastated he might have sent the same thing to you too. I really thought we had something special. WAAAAAAAAAAH!!

    ReplyDelete